My grandfather died almost a year ago and it's going to be the first Christmas without him. I didn't think this would affect me, inasmuch as I thought at all about whether it would affect me. But it does. I would do this horrible year all over again if it meant he'd still be there.
Been all teary-eyed and shit whenever I think about it, which I though I'd stopped a few months ago. But I guess you never really get over it.
Tim has a girlfriend now. I didn't think about whether that would affect me, but I'm surprised and annoyed to find that it does. I want him to pine, dammit. Want me! Like you said you did but only really did when I wasn't yours. He's all excited, of course, cause it just started. I think what really bothers me is that I'm past the point where I get to feel all carefree and happy and giddy at the beginning of a relationship and that emotional fuckwit still gets to feel that. But then I think about the relationship I have, and it's so much better than anything I ever had before or he'll ever get, so I'm not so bothered after all.
Why I looked for him on myspace, I don't know.
Little voice is sympathetic. It knows I know it's about damn time I got over this whole my self-esteem being tied up in everybody-must-want-me thing. Course it's been about that damn time for like 10 years now.
I really do not want to study E&M. I can't pass the class without taking the final, so I do have to actually study for it, especially since this semester was not as easy as the last one. It's a fact of school that the only time you have to study for something is when you didn't do so well that you can avoid taking the final and still pass the class, which is how I am with astro, but of course part of that is that the final is only 22% of the grade. In E&M I think it's like 40%.
In astro when I studied I was bored. I mean, seriously bored. And I nearly fell asleep in the review session. I know all that stuff, the only thing to do is take the test. I guess I should still look over the last 3 homeworks and review where everything is for when I need to find it for the exam (for both astro and E&M we get to use basically anything but computers and cell phones, which makes the whole thing much less stressful and also means the instructors will pretty much slightly adjust homework problems to put on the exam). Now when I'm studying E&M I'm like, okay all I can really expect to do is refresh my memory on where everything is in my notes and book and homeworks and past exams, so that I know where to find the information when I need it for the final.
Soon this will be over. One more day and I'll be done with physics for 8 months. Next semester is going to feel like blessed summer after three semesters of hardcore physics.
The lost and found at the engineering library has some interesting books...like one, Genome, and another, a compilation of writings of modern political theory. I'm giving those two a home since they've been there forever and the staff said we could take home anything from the lost and found since it's the end of the semester. Why people never come back for this stuff, I have no idea. If I lost a textbook I'd ask everywhere like I did when I lost my graphing calculator at the bottom of my backpack. (Shut it, you.) When I'm done with my finals I'm looking forward to cracking those open. And I have another book that I discovered while shelving books, and I also need to check out a couple of Ayn Rand's books so that I can actually discuss them, because they keep coming up wherever I go and I need to be able to discuss Objectivism anyway since it seems to fit my belief system fairly well.
Anyway. Back to E&M, then WoW raid after work, eat dinner and study some more. Then tomorrow I take the E&M final, study a little bit for astro, take astro final and come home and play WoW the whole goddamn night and fuck anybody who says different.
Been all teary-eyed and shit whenever I think about it, which I though I'd stopped a few months ago. But I guess you never really get over it.
Tim has a girlfriend now. I didn't think about whether that would affect me, but I'm surprised and annoyed to find that it does. I want him to pine, dammit. Want me! Like you said you did but only really did when I wasn't yours. He's all excited, of course, cause it just started. I think what really bothers me is that I'm past the point where I get to feel all carefree and happy and giddy at the beginning of a relationship and that emotional fuckwit still gets to feel that. But then I think about the relationship I have, and it's so much better than anything I ever had before or he'll ever get, so I'm not so bothered after all.
Why I looked for him on myspace, I don't know.
Little voice is sympathetic. It knows I know it's about damn time I got over this whole my self-esteem being tied up in everybody-must-want-me thing. Course it's been about that damn time for like 10 years now.
I really do not want to study E&M. I can't pass the class without taking the final, so I do have to actually study for it, especially since this semester was not as easy as the last one. It's a fact of school that the only time you have to study for something is when you didn't do so well that you can avoid taking the final and still pass the class, which is how I am with astro, but of course part of that is that the final is only 22% of the grade. In E&M I think it's like 40%.
In astro when I studied I was bored. I mean, seriously bored. And I nearly fell asleep in the review session. I know all that stuff, the only thing to do is take the test. I guess I should still look over the last 3 homeworks and review where everything is for when I need to find it for the exam (for both astro and E&M we get to use basically anything but computers and cell phones, which makes the whole thing much less stressful and also means the instructors will pretty much slightly adjust homework problems to put on the exam). Now when I'm studying E&M I'm like, okay all I can really expect to do is refresh my memory on where everything is in my notes and book and homeworks and past exams, so that I know where to find the information when I need it for the final.
Soon this will be over. One more day and I'll be done with physics for 8 months. Next semester is going to feel like blessed summer after three semesters of hardcore physics.
The lost and found at the engineering library has some interesting books...like one, Genome, and another, a compilation of writings of modern political theory. I'm giving those two a home since they've been there forever and the staff said we could take home anything from the lost and found since it's the end of the semester. Why people never come back for this stuff, I have no idea. If I lost a textbook I'd ask everywhere like I did when I lost my graphing calculator at the bottom of my backpack. (Shut it, you.) When I'm done with my finals I'm looking forward to cracking those open. And I have another book that I discovered while shelving books, and I also need to check out a couple of Ayn Rand's books so that I can actually discuss them, because they keep coming up wherever I go and I need to be able to discuss Objectivism anyway since it seems to fit my belief system fairly well.
Anyway. Back to E&M, then WoW raid after work, eat dinner and study some more. Then tomorrow I take the E&M final, study a little bit for astro, take astro final and come home and play WoW the whole goddamn night and fuck anybody who says different.
posted by Velvet at 5:31 PM
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